Today was a day which we shall never forget. It was the day on which we spoke to Temple, the mother who has chosen us to parent her baby.
A conference call was arranged for 1:00 pm today. Since we had already planned to take the kids to ride the 2:00
Santa Express Train (about an hour-and-a-half away from our house), we had to leave an hour earlier than expected in order to be available for the important call. We wanted to be sitting in the parking lot of the train depot by the time 1:00 rolled around. This was simply too important a phone call to take while driving down the road.
We arrived around 12:30, did a loop through the gift shop and purchased all-day suckers for the kids. Just before 1:00, we all went back to the van and let the kids overdose on sugar while Joe and I talked to Temple, the birth mother.
It was an amazing conversation. Temple was very quiet, something I wasn't quite expecting. But she indicated quite firmly that she had two questions that were on her mind.
The first question: How would an African American child be accepted into our white family?
And the second question: Are the kids excited about a new sibling?
I was struck by the intense love in those two questions. They were not questions about where we live or what we do or even how we parent. They were questions so much more basic and so much more important. They were questions, quite simply, about love and acceptance. And, of course, they were easy questions to answer, because skin color has never mattered to us, and the kids have been jumping up and down with excitement ever since they heard that we were matched.
We talked a bit about the very welcome climate here in Wisconsin when it comes to trans-racial adoptions. The case worker (who was also on the line) interjected that it can be hard for southern families to fathom a place where African American children are accepted so readily into white communities and white families. We expressed to her that we are all children of God and the skin color is a non-issue to us.
Joe and I chatted a bit about our kids and our families of origin. We talked about our individual personalities and how they impact our parenting.
Temple asked if we would send photos and letters, and we, of course, assured her that we would do so.
Temple seemed really to be looking for reassurance that this child will be loved unconditionally, and I hope we did a good job relaying our love already for this child and our firm commitment to cherishing this child in the same way that we love all our children.
Temple also asked us if we could be at the hospital at the time of the birth. We told her that we would very much like to do that and would talk to the agency about how to work all that out. There are some unknowns about the hospital and whether they will welcome adoptive parents, and also some calendar-based legal questions that we have to work out. But our great hope is to be there for the birth! We also offered Temple the prospect of meeting our other children, and she said that's something she'd very much like.
I was wiping away tears during most of the phone call, as Joe can well attest. It was very emotional, almost surreal. To hear the voice of the woman who will make the greatest sacrifice and give us the greatest gift is both awesome and humbling all at once. And just very emotionally intense. I certainly have never experienced anything like it.
I told Temple that I wished I was there to give her a big hug. I told her how in awe of her we are that she is giving her child life. And we told her how honored we are to have been chosen to parent her precious little one.
Life is good, and hard, and wondrous, and challenging — sometimes all at once. That was certainly reflected in a most momentous conference call today.
Praying for Temple and her baby tonight...
